I love, love, love the entirety of Brooke Axtell's piece last night during the 2015 Grammy Awards. A survivor of both human trafficking and domestic violence, she presented a passionate and powerful spoken word performance. However, today, it seems as everyone, media, friends, viewers are remembering the powerful truth of the end of her speech: "Authentic love does not devalue another human being...." It is powerful and poignant truth.
My point? Please DO NOT miss the first part. For it was one of the best summations I have heard of, shall I say the "hook," of this type of victimization. Here is what I mean, my points are in parentheses next to her quoted words. They are generalizations, and should not be construed as her specific feelings.
She said: "After a year of passionate romance with a handsome, charismatic man, I was stunned when he began to abuse me. (disbelief, sometimes denial, shock)
"I believed he was lashing out because he was in pain and needed help." (it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help it)
"I believed my compassion could restore him and our relationship." (i can love him through this, i can fix him)
"My empathy was used against me." (a vulnerability to use as a weapon of control, often viewed as weakness by abuser)
"I was terrified of him and ashamed I was in this position." (fear and shame tends to keep us from acting, leaving, frozen in place)
"What bound me to him was my desire to heal him." (need to do whatever it takes to help him and bring back what once was)
"My compassion was incomplete because it did not include me." (totally focused on abuser receiving help, not self, shows lack of self-worth)
For me, one of the MOST powerful portions, is this, "My compassion was incomplete because it did not include me." There are volumes upon volumes of truth within this one ten word sentence.
IF you are a victim, or know a victim please give significant consideration to this statement. You deserve just as much compassion as you are also providing!!!!!!! Probably, more so!